Monday Madness, or the Almost-Panty Caper
by JanuaryFriend
Summary: Mondays are always difficult. But dealing with Lee and Naruto is harder still on Tenten. Will she escape unharmed and in possession of her underwear?


_Author's notes: This is another one I wrote a long time ago. I loved it so much I revised it and posted. Please let me know what you think._

**Moments of Monday**

Monday begins like any other day. Rock Lee tracks down Sakura during her morning break at the hospital and proposes. Again. And he is turned down gently. Again.

On his way out, he runs into Naruto Uzumaki, who had come to borrow money for lunch. Depressed, Lee promises to take him for ramen, since doing nice things for others always makes Lee feel better.

At lunch the two friends pour out their problems to one another, everything from crushes to training to unbeatable rivals.

When they finish, Lee places the money down on the counter. The meal was considerably more expensive than he'd expected. "Well, I must go train now."

Naruto is all excitement. Despite the huge amount of ramen he's consumed, the idea of a match against Lee sounds fun. "Hey, hey, can I come too?"

Lee strikes a pose. "Of course. Together we will blind Konoha with our burning rays of youth!"

"No need," Teuchi says, handing Lee the receipt. "Those outfits will do the trick. Come again!"

The two brightly clad ninja make their way to one of Konoha's many training fields and begin to spar. At first it is an even fight, but the inexhaustible Naruto eventually gains the upper hand. A hard right to the jaw and Lee goes flying. Something small and shiny pops from the pouch at his waist and lands in the grass between them.

"Huh? What's this?" Naruto bends over the object and squints thoughtfully.

"N-nothing," Lee stutters, working his jaw back and forth. He reaches for the item, but Naruto beats him to it. "It is just the key to Tenten's house."

Naruto stares. "Eh? The key to Tenten's house?" A mischievous, slightly lecherous grin spreads across his face. With a speed that shocks even Lee, he whirls and heads toward Konoha's apartments.

Lee rolls onto his feet and follows after, asking politely for the return of his key.

They arrive at Tenten's apartment fifteen minutes later. How Naruto even found the place was something Lee didn't want to know. He makes what must be the hundredth grab for the key, but Naruto dodges and inserts it into the keyhole.

"Please, do not open--"

Never mind. A quick turn and they're in.

"It is unlawful to enter a private residence without express permission from the owner." Lee recites. He's so edgy standing in the doorway that he is almost dancing.

Naruto ignores him. Standing in Tenten's living room he gives a long whistle. "Talk about clean. And small."

"It works for her," Lee says, rising to his teammate's defense. He notes with relief that they have yet to be skewered. Tenten must not be home. "Now that you have seen her house, we must leave."

Naruto shakes his head. "Not so fast. I haven't had a chance to look around yet." He slips past a futon-sofa and heads down the hall.

Lee takes off his sandals and hurries after him, desperate to keep the blonde ninja from causing any trouble.

A plan is forming in Naruto's mind as he peers in one room after another. Restroom, bathroom, closet.

"Aha!" he yells, stepping into Tenten's bedroom. He notes with relief that this part of the house is considerably messier than the rest. "Thought she might've been some kinda robot."

The room is tiny, containing only a bed with a bookcase headboard loaded with heavy tomes, a small desk and chair, and one tall dresser in the corner. There are clothes on the floor, as well as an alarm clock. The bed is unmade. On the desk is a scroll weighed down with two kunai.

Naruto feels right at home in the clutter.

He heads to the dresser. The top drawer is open and something lacy and red is hanging out. Panties.

The half-formed plan in Naruto's mind is suddenly whole. Visions of sexy underwear hanging from the Hyuga household's front gate dance in his mind and he knows that by the end of the day he will have accomplished his greatest prank ever. Or he'll be dead from trying.

"Do not touch Tenten's youthful, private garments!" Lee yells, just now catching up with his friend. Knocking comes from the apartment upstairs in response to his noise, and Lee flushes, embarrassed.

Naruto grins and holds up a bra. "Where did she get these? I had her pegged as a cotton girl."

"Sakura and Ino gave them to her for her birthday last year," Lee says, trying to keep his nose from bleeding. He doesn't love Tenten like that, but he does love the association of Sakura with the silky thing.

The idea of his squad member wearing the said object almost undoes Naruto too, but he's been trained by a special sort of pervert. Shaking it off, he grabs what he can and heads for the door.

Lee is unaware of Naruto's plan, but he is petrified none the less. If Naruto leaves with the undergarments, Tenten will worry that there's a panty thief on the lose. And when she finds no sign of forced entry into her apartment, that will leave only three people who have access: Gai, Neji, and himself. Lee does not feel like becoming the scapegoat.

He can't let Naruto walk out with Tenten's stuff. But what's he going to do, fight him? There is a good chance that after such a battle Tenten would have no apartment to come home to.

So he makes a deal. Or tries to. "Naruto, I will buy you all the ramen you can eat for dinner if you put those back right now."

"No."

What else can he bargain with? "What if you keep just one pair and never let them see the light of day? And I shall buy you lunch and dinner." Tenten might not notice if one pair goes missing. It's not like they were her weapons, and Lee himself loses things in the dryer all the time.

Naruto pauses, looking sorely tempted now, but for his plan to work he needs these panties to be seen. "Nope. No deal."

They are in Tenten's kitchenette now, and with room to maneuver a desperate Lee makes a lunge for the garments. He latches onto one and a tug-of-war ensues.

And then the front door swings open, and in steps Tenten with her arms full of grocery bags. Her attention however, is focused behind her and she's going on about how Neji will like her dumplings.

The Hyuga comes in next, toting the milk. He's the first to see them and, wordless, he points.

Tenten's head spins around like something from a horror movie and both boys freeze under her gaze. The groceries fall from her arms and there is one long moment of silence. Then her face turns an angry red and Neji slides gracefully out of the way as she begins to hurl both steel and obscenities.

In seconds, they are pinned to the wall behind them by their clothing. Tenten's underwear falls to the floor between them.

"My deepest apologies Tenten." Lee is more embarrassed than he can say. Tenten glares at him and he hangs his head. He'll never be able to make this up to his best friend. Not even if he patches her drywall.

Huffing, Tenten grabs her groceries and begins to put them away. The violence with which she does so is frightening. But not for Naruto. She has to try hard to ignore the whiskered pincushion.

"Aww, c'mon. We didn't mean anything. You know it was Lee's idea. I was trying to stop him. Just let us down." He runs on and on.

Tenten slams a cupboard shut, closes her eyes, and pinches the bridge of her nose. She can feel a stress headache coming on. "Neji, take care of him. Please."

Neji stops eyeing the lacy garments on the floor and turns to Naruto. Finally, revenge for the chunin exams. Today, Neji thinks, is a good day.

Naruto notes the flush across the Hyuga's face and begin to cackle.

Neji responds by closing all of his chakra points and gagging him with one of Tenten's paper grocery bags.

Tenten crosses the kitchen until she is standing next to Lee. Reaching into his pouch, she quickly robs him of his last bit of money. "You'd better be gone when I get back. And I want all this--" she points to her unmentionables-- "put away, do you hear me?"

Lee nods in shame. Wait until Gai-sensei hears about this. He'll have to run one million laps around the village.

Naruto mumbles something, but his voice is muffled by the paper bag. Tenten hurls a final kunai and it lands with a thunk between his legs. Naruto's blue eyes go wide. That was perilously close to a special part.

Smiling, the kunoichi turns to Neji, who quickly drags his eyes away from her underwear. "On second thought, let's go out to eat."

They head out the door, leaving their friends attached to the wall behind them.

Hanging there, Rock Lee reflects on the day. Just because it starts normal, doesn't mean it will end that way.

Naruto finally succeeds in spitting out the bag. "I hate Mondays."


End file.
